


The Saddest Song

by andthisbrightstar



Category: Hamilton - Miranda, Hamilton - Miranda (Broadway Cast) RPF
Genre: Bullying, Foster Care, Harassment, Past Child Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Trauma, foster dad lin, physical bullying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-10
Updated: 2017-10-24
Packaged: 2018-12-26 04:10:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12051027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andthisbrightstar/pseuds/andthisbrightstar
Summary: Put bluntly, school sucks for Alex. When he won't open up to anyone about that fact things progress from bad to absolutely terrible pretty quickly.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Flashes From the Storm](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11736138) by [AlixZin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlixZin/pseuds/AlixZin). 



> 1) yes the title is a tribute to bloody bloody andrew jackson. michael friedman died yesterday and i'm heartbroken over it. 
> 
> 2) foster care & "trauma kids" have been a cause close to my heart for a long time, and AlixZin's beautiful realistic take on both of those things is one of my favorite things on the internet. 
> 
> 3) @ AlixZin i threw a little personal-to-you easter egg in this just for you, shout if you find it!

“Hey Hammy!” 

A voice shouted after Alex as he walked down the hallway. He winced, but ducked his head and kept walking. The boy shouting after him didn’t let up.

“I did some research, Lin only has one kid, a baby.”

Alex’s heart lurched, and he froze in his tracks. They knew. He blinked back tears as he felt a small crowd forming behind him, all muttering to each other. Sure he kinda absolutely hated school but at least with no one knowing the truth he could push through day in and day out. He wouldn’t be able to do that now.

“You sure as hell act like one but your name ain’t Sebastian. What gives?”

“You can hide in the bathroom all day long but you can’t hide the truth. We know what you are.”

“Such a damn train wreck even your own island didn’t want you.”

_Where the hell did they find this information?_

“Can’t blame them though, right?”

Alex had had enough. He swiped at his eyes as he tried to make a beeline for the exit doors, nearly jumping out of his skin when he saw the shoes of someone about to stop him in his path.

“Are you deaf too?”

He tried to walk forward again but was stopped when the person who made the deaf comment, grabbed his arm. Alex shrieked at the sudden and rough contact, yanking his arm away and stumbling backward.

“Awh you scared him!” Another voice said in sing songy tone, snickering as he stepped up behind Alex, so close that he could feel him breathing on his neck.

“That’s okay though, I’ll toughen him up.”

The boy speaking giggled, grabbing Alex from behind and pressing up against him. Alex screamed, throwing himself to the floor and throwing his hands above his head, shaking like a leaf. If Lin or Vanessa was here they would run through and help him up. But they weren’t. No one was going to help him. In a blink it was summer and he was back to at the Atkinsons’.

_He knew the neighbors heard everything, unless they were deaf, which he was pretty sure they weren’t. One time during a particularly loud incident one of them had walked over and knocked on the door. Mr.Atkinson dragged Alex off to another part of the apartment while Jennifer put on a smile and assured them it was nothing to worry about. That whole ordeal made them keep things quiet, but the abuse was just as severe. And no one was coming to rescue him._

Alex dropped his hands and curled in on himself, the fact that he wasn’t completely there making him unaware of just how badly people kicking and stomping him hurt. After what seemed like hours he felt someone pulling him up. He would soon learn this person wasn’t doing so to help him when the hand that helped him up grabbed his throat, shoving him against a wall and letting him fall. Before anything else could happen he heard a new voice, an adult voice, yelling at everyone to clear the hallway. In an attempt to listen he tried to get up, only for his knees to give out and send him right back to the floor. That was the final straw and as soon as his body hit the ground he let out a choked sob, crying and breathing at an unhealthy rate. He almost slipped back into another flashback but before he could he saw someone kneel down in front of him, his history teacher. She was the only female teacher he had, and she reminded him Vanessa, which was especially good in this situation.

“Alex sweetie we’re gonna get your parents here as soon as possible, okay?”

He nodded, digging his nails into his arms as he sobbed.

“I’m gonna count up and down from 8, do you think you can try to breathe with my counting?”

He shook his head, burying it in his knees as his chest heaved.  
-  
Thursday afternoon was a rare time when both Lin and Vanessa were home together during the day. That particular day Lin’s mom had offered to take Sebastian for a few hours, so the Miranda’s were curled up on the couch re-watching House of Cards when Lin’s phone rang. When he looked at the caller ID and realized it was the school his face dropped. Vanessa reading his expression and sighing. This wasn’t their first “We have an Alex problem” call, but as they would soon learn, it was the worst. 

“Hello?”

“Hello. This is Miss.Moore from George Washington High School. There was an incident with Alex and we need a parent at the school as soon as possible.”

“Incident? Can you elaborate?” Lin rushed out, putting the phone on speaker so Vanessa could hear.

“I was told by the administrator who broke it up to call it a fight but for it to be a fight Alex would have had to retaliate. I wasn’t there for the whole ordeal, I just ran out of my room when I heard the commotion, but I don’t think curled up on the floor is position someone fighting would take.”

“Are you saying he was attacked?”

Vanessa spoke up, her voice trembling slightly.

“Well, he’s not hurt enough that we need to call for outside medical assistance. But he’s banged up and as you could probably guess, not doing so well post traumatic stress and anxiety wise.”

By that point Lin by the door putting his shoes on, Vanessa slipping hers on and following close behind Lin with the phone still on speaker.

“We just left, please tell him we’re coming.”  
-  
Alex had flashbacks more often than he would like to admit. They made him feel like a baby, for not being able to just forget about the bad things that happened to him and just move on. As terrible as they were, coming back to his senses to Lin or Vanessa made him feel safe, safer than he was used to feeling.  
-  
“Vanessa is here kiddo.” Miss.Moore said, Alex lifting his head slowly to meet eyes with his foster mom, who was near tears herself. She reached out to wipe his face and Alex yelped.

“Alex sweetheart is your iPod in your bag?” Vanessa prompted and he nodded. She reached over for his bag and pulled the iPod and headphones out, placing both things on his shoe. Alex grabbed them, putting the earbuds in and scrolling through the little device. He settled on the "Calm Showtunes" playlist Lin had made for him a few weeks ago, closing his eyes and attempting to drown out his thoughts and surroundings with the music. 

Soon enough Lin was barrelling down the hallway. He was still cooling down from his discussion with the school administrators but he could set them straight another day, right now the only thing on his mind was Alex's current state. He dropped on his knees next to Vanessa as soon as he got to them, Alex not knowing he was even there since his eyes were still screwed shut. Lin’s heart broke as he watched him shaking with tears running down his face, his arms bruised from the “incident” and scratched up from his own doing. They should have known. Now that he thought about there were hints, a lot of them, that he was being bullied. He cursed himself for not picking up on them. 

Lin’s shoe squeaked against the floor, cutting through Alex’s music bubble and making him rip his earbuds out, his eyes snapping open.

“Hey, just me and Lin. Breathe.” Vanessa said softly, Alex trying his best to listen, taking slow ragged breaths and staring at the ground. 

“Are you ready to go home?” Lin asked tentatively, his voice cracking as he tried to keep himself from crying.

“I c-can’t walk…” Alex mumbled, Lin’s blood running cold. Didn’t Miss.Moore say he wasn’t badly hurt? Vanessa jumped in at that.

“Okay, if Lin get’s you a wheelchair from the office will you let us push you out?” 

He gave them a weak nod and Lin jumped up and took off back down the hallway, Alex following him with his eyes until he turned the corner. Vanessa tapped the floor next to him to get him to look at her, Alex whipping his head to her like a frightened animal. 

“You said you can’t walk, is it because you were injured or because you’re really overwhelmed?”

“Both, I th-think.” He stammered out, biting his lip.

“Okay, that’s understandable hon. Lin will get you a chair, no worry.” Vanessa smiled softly, reaching to touch Alex’s shoulder. Normally that would be a nonissue with her but he jolted back, ducking his head down. 

“You know I’m just Vanessa, right?”

A small nod. Though she was still greatly concerned, the fact that he wasn’t having a flashback episode was a relief.

“Lin is going to be back soon. Can you tell me how you want me to help you into the chair? If you can’t stand up that’s okay but we gotta get you from point A to point B somehow.”

Alex didn’t respond to that, only shrugging and hiccupping through more tears. Vanessa, and Lin, hadn’t been told much regarding what happened, so they had no way of knowing the exact traumas the whole ordeal was bringing back. Before anything else could be said Lin was looming over them with a chair, his sudden presence sending Alex into an even more panicked state.

“Go outside, we’ll meet you there.” Vanessa looked up and said to him, Lin leaving the chair with them before he walking outside.

“Alex cariño, I’m so so sorry this happened. I know everything is really scary right now but I think it’ll be less scary if we get you out of here. Do you think I can help you stand up and sit in the chair? After that you don’t even have to look at me if you don’t want to.”

“J-just do it.” He mumbled, Vanessa shaking her head.

“Nada, I’m not going to just do it if you don’t want me to. Yes or no?

This wasn’t the first time Vanessa or Lin had had to reiterate that Alex was allowed to say no to things. It broke their hearts that he had such hard time grasping something that came as second nature to most people.

“Y-yes. I-I-I want to go home.” He spat out, wiping his eyes harshly and taking a deep breath. Vanessa grabbed his arm to help him stand, Alex going rigid at the touch. As soon as his butt hit the wheelchair seat he brought his knees to his chest and put his headphones back in. Vanessa grabbed his backpack off the ground and slung it over her shoulder before pushing him out, Alex squeezing his eyes shut out of embarrassment as soon as they were on the sidewalk.

The trio made it back to the apartment without any major issues, Lin almost crying out in relief when they crossed the threshold. He ducked out of the room to let Vanessa get Alex situated by herself, taking into account that if his presence made Alex uncomfortable just 20 minutes ago it probably still would.

“Can I help you to the couch?” Vanessa asked, Alex taking out his earbuds and mumbling “yeah” just loud enough for her to hear. She pulled him up gently, putting his arm around her shoulders. Much to her relief, he relaxed into the contact, letting her help him. When he sat down his shoulders slumped and he was quiet for a moment before his face twisted in pain. Before now he had been so mentally out of it that he didn’t fully process the injuries he had sustained. Now, sitting on the couch at home, the pain from every assault hit him all at once, and he screamed.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always, all the love to alixzin for creating this universe. enjoy!

Everything hurt.  
His head hurt. His legs hurt. His chest heart. His arms hurt. His shoulder hurt.  
His shoulder hurt.  
His shoulder hurt.  
\- 

_It was November 17th and his shoulder hurt. A lot. The police officer put a hand on Alex to guide him down the stairs and he cried out, backing up against the wall and dropping to the floor. He sobbed hysterically, half because he was in excruciating pain and half because he was terrified, especially of the larger uniformed man who had practically dragged him out the door._ _Once the police officer realized he was acting so “dramatically” partially he was severely hurt he called a medical team upstairs. Said medical team had to transfer Alex to a stretcher to get him out of the building. By the time they got to the hospital his throat was so dry he couldn't talk if he wanted to._ _It was November 17th._  
_He was in excruciating pain and terrified._

Vanessa came running back in from checking in with Lin when she heard Alex screaming, her heart cracking in two at the sight of him tugging at his hair and screaming through tears. He had been with them for a while now, but no matter how long he lived with them she would never get used to seeing her child so tormented. 

“Alex, Alex cariño.” She said as she got down on the floor in front of him, shushing him gently. 

“You're going to hurt your throat if you keep screaming, can you try to take some slow deep breaths for me?”

Alex paused for a moment, looking at Vanessa doe-eyed before dropping his head into his knees, muffling his screaming in his pant leg. Left with no other option than what she used to being allowed to do, she tried to pull Alex up off of himself gently by his shoulders. That idea went south however when Alex shrieked, shooting up and scrambling to the other side of the couch. He was sitting up now, which could be considered a tiny victory, but he looked absolutely scared to death. 

“Hey, just Vanessa. You know who I am. I'm not a threat.”

“You were supposed to protect me!” Alex wailed, his voice cracking. 

_It was November 17th.  
Mr.Callender arrived at the hospital shortly after Alex did, charging into his room as soon as he was allowed. _ _“What the hell is this?” He said sharply, Alex just staring at him. He was no longer the kind voiced man who promised to protect him in a social services office months ago. And it scared him._ _“Do you know how incompetent this makes me look? Keeping tabs on you is how I put a roof over my head. Now I might get fired!”_ _Alex said nothing, averting his teary eyes to the ground. Mr.Callender was evidently pissed, and this kind of anger scared Alex to death. But if he was so scared of being fired he wouldn’t lay a finger on him, right?_ _“You're seriously still on this no talking thing?“ The man scoffed, rolling his eyes. It was silent between them for a few minutes before Mr.Callander sighed._ _“I don't know how we're going to find someone willing to deal with all your shit Alex. I can barely handle my bit.”_ _With that he left, Alex crying himself to sleep alone. It was November 17th. He was in excruciating pain, and terrified._

Vanessa paused, a little puzzled as to where this was coming from, as they hadn’t had any anger related incidents with Alex in a while.

“I failed you!” Alex screeched, sobbing so hard his chest heaved. He leaned forward as he cried, wincing as that made his shoulder throb with pain. Vanessa noticed, taking a deep breath and deciding to try to descalation route.

“Hey now none of that, you didn’t fail me. But I can tell your shoulder is hurting you. Do you think you could put your sling on so you don’t hurt it more? We still have it in the bathroom.” 

Much to Vanessa’s relief, he gave her a small nod in response. Scared to leave him alone, she pulled out her phone to text Lin to bring the sling. Alex didn’t move from his spot, digging his nails into his jeans and failing miserably at trying to ground himself. Vanessa wanted nothing more than to hold him, like he had let her so many times, and comfort him until he calmed down, but that seemed like the worst possible idea in this situation.

He came in with the sling a few minutes later, approaching Alex and Vanessa slowly. He gave Alex, who seemed largely taken aback by his sudden appearance a small smile. It was November 17th. It was November 17th. 

_Mr.Atkinson smiled when he walked in the room, Alex forcing one in return. He was used to their little routine at this point, but today was going to be different. He was going to make today different. When the man sat down on his bed Alex moved back.“No.” He said as loudly as he could muster, looking his foster father in the eye. Mr.Atkinson laughed, only scooting closer. Alex pulled back again, repeating the phrase. Mr.Atkinson didn't laugh this time. It was November 17th. Everything hurt. His shoulder hurt. He was in excruciating pain and terrified._

“V, look at him. He's not here.”

Lin said when he saw Alex going from staring at Lin like a deer in the headlights to squeezing his eyes shut, now digging his nails into his arms. Vanessa removed his hands from his arms, taken aback when Alex didn’t resist, only going limp like a ragdoll. She could see what Lin meant about thinking Alex was having a seizure during flashbacks. 

“Can you hear me?”

She asked, Alex rocking for a moment before snapping his eyes open. Before she could ask again, he saw Lin, and jumped up. For a second it looked like he was going to bolt, but this time he chose the fight option over taking flight, swinging his fist towards Lin. Vanessa jumped up as soon as she realized what was about to happen, grabbing Alex’s arm. The teenager yelped, ripping his arm out of her grip. Left with no choice when he made another attempt to get to Lin she wrapped her arms around his chest, holding his arms back. She hated this and was sure she was making flashbacks worse, but she couldn’t just let him sock Lin in the face.

“Alexander I am restraining you so you don’t hurt yourself or someone else. I am not a threat.” She said calmly, her words not bringing any peace. Alex didn't stop in his attempts to break away, now crying and screaming again. It was in this moment Vanessa became aware of how everything that went with Alex must sound to their neighbors, and how they were probably within their rights to call the police like The Atkinson’s neighbors were. But that was a worry for another time.

“Let him go Vanessa.” Lin said sharply, and loudly above Alex screaming, Vanessa huffing.

“His therapist-” She tried to start, Lin cutting her off.

“I don’t give a damn what his therapist said you’re doing nothing but scaring him more!” He said snappily, Vanessa removing her arms. She half expected Alex to swing at one of them again but he just stood, breathing heavily and clearing his throat, after doing a fairly large amount of damage to it from all the screaming. A minute passed before anyone spoke.

“I-I’m sorry.” Alex choked out through tears. He shook like a leaf, staring at the ground.

“Alex hon do you know where you are?” Vanessa asked, Alex not looking at her to respond.

“I do now. I think.”

“You’re in New York City at Lin and Vanessa’s house. You live here with us.”

“I tried to hit him.” Alex said flatly.

“Alex you weren’t all there it’s f-”

“He didn’t stop. He just kept going. It was pointless."

Alex wasn't talking about hitting Lin.

He glanced up at Vanessa to gauge her reaction, biting his lip. Opening up to them was a long process and something they weren’t seeing much progress on, especially on the sexual abuse front. That meant every little bit he told them was a huge step, and extremely difficult one Alex’s side. 

Vanessa and Lin both stayed quiet in case Alex wanted to continue, two minutes of silence telling them otherwise.

“Do you remember anything that happened here within the past 10 minutes?” Lin said, Alex snapping his head up at his voice. He nodded, blinking back more tears and trying not to break eye contact with Lin, out of fear.

“Alex I’m not angry. You didn’t know who I was. You can’t control when stuff like that happens” He said, his voice soft. Alex trained his eyes back on the ground.

“I don’t get it.” He said more to himself than his foster parents, Lin and Vanessa exchanging confused glances.

“Get what?”

“Why you’re so nice to me. I’ve done nothing but screw everything up for you but you're nice to me and.. stuff. I don’t understand.” He stuttered out, wringing his hands. 

“You don’t have to understand everything right now sweetheart, we certainly don't expect you to." Vanessa spoke up, Alex nodding and slipping back into silence for a few moments. 

“Can I have my sling?” He finally spoke up again, motioning to it with his hand and looking at his foster parents nervously, like that might say no. 

“Of course, do you need help putting it on?” Vanessa asked, noting how Alex’s face shifted at the mere mention of that amount of touching. Seeing him slip in and out of regression during the aftershocks of panic attacks was one of the hardest things to watch him go through. Nonetheless, he mumbled a yes. 

“Okay sweetheart, you can put your hands on mine so you know what I’m doing if you want to.” She said, Alex taking her up on that offer and following her hands with his own. When she was done he sat back on the couch slowly and adjusting the sling just so he had an excuse not to look up. 

“Now I think you need to go to bed and sleep mijo. I know it's still early but you need rest.” Lin broke the silence, Alex looking down the hallway and back at him nervously.

“I don’t think, I can sleep in there right now.” He rushed out, Lin’s face falling at the realization of how bad this episode must have been. He was extremely concerned as to how the incident at school brought on such a severe panic, but those were questions that just had to wait.

“Do you think if we brought your blankets in here you could rest on the couch?”

He got a small nod in response and ducked out of the room to get his things while Vanessa left to her Alex a water and pain pill. Vanessa was back first, crouching in front of Alex on the couch. 

“The pill is for your shoulder and whatever else hurts. Water for the pill and your throat.” She said Alex taking both items off of her and swallowing the pill down, near chugging the glass of water. Lin returned soon after with Alex's duvet and pillow from his room. Scared of triggering something, he let Vanessa set Alex up. Still, it was like walking on glass, Alex flinching even as Vanessa talked through every little move she made. When he was finally set up to be able to sleep comfortably he seemed to relax a little. 

“Do you want me to stay in here or leave you alone? Whichever one is fine.”

“I just want to be alone, please,” Alex mumbled sleepily, hunkering down in his comforter. 

“Okay, hon. You rest as long as you need to. Lin and I are right down the hall.” 

Alex nodded before tugging his blanket more over him and rolling over, his face no longer visible. 

“Te amo Alexander.” Vanessa said as she flicked the living room light off. She could hear him crying to himself as she walked out of the room and as much as she wanted to run back in and hold that boy for forever, she knew that not respecting his wishes to be alone would be detrimental to the trust that had worked so hard to build. The pain pill combined with his exhaustion would probably knock him out before he could cry alone for too long. Maybe after he got some rest they could get him to answer some questions about what happened at school, or maybe not. Baby steps.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i've been working on this chapter forever and i still feel like it's not great, but at least it's here! i live for feedback and ideas for other fdl things. feel free to prompt away!

**Author's Note:**

> dum dum dummmm. chapter two soon!
> 
> another thank you to AlixZin for creating this universe that is oh so "fun' to write in. i've been experimenting with my own foster care au on and off for a long time but i think writing this was the push i needed to get my sh-t together and concentrate on it, so stay tuned for that after i finish this.
> 
> a clarification note in case this was confusing: students at alex's school found out about the kid thing through internet research, and the island stuff because of happening to know of alex's previous situation/know the atkinsons' through living in the same area or "knowing a guy".


End file.
